Miss. Piggys Menopausal delusion.

I do say your honor, I think that piggish woman might, just potentially be, and or is, slightly menopausal.

I mean, she’s not exactly the most beautiful thing there is to look at with that rotund fat face and short tree trunk legs. Matter of fact, and that is of course if I were guessing, but she seems like the sort of woman who isn’t getting fed enough in her ol piggy pie. If ya know what I mean….

It must be difficult for a fat woman with a shrewed heart and badly cut bangs to find a sausage for her piggy pie. What a sad little world it must be for Miss. Pig, no one to love and no one to use. I don’t think she’s read the book titled Ego, as it is evident hers has taken over in an unsightly way.

If you’re asking me why, I have to think it’s because she is so seething with jealousy her mind is full of pork. Her soul is a fatty ball lumped into her large and sagging chest where she still flips over letting her grown children drink from her nip, although it’s been dry for quite some time.

Ah, yes. Her mouth, you ask….

She does, indeed have a large mouth of teeth to match her fat cankles, but one can’t help such flaws, not all pigs are as perfect as is a swan. Which if you must know, is what made the Pig snorting jealous. The swan.

It must be damning to watch from the mud and shit she stands in at the beautiful swan across the field in a stunning pond of her own. Pig, sad and pathetic as she is, must be forced to watch the Swan elegantly swim so deliciously in the water with her handsome Cob at her side and a brood of beautiful little ones swimming so perfectly behind her. The swan family is as happy as happiness could ever be only reminding Pig, she will always be exactly that, a Pig.

The honorable one speaks.

It is with my expertise and years of experience that it goes against the law of nature to take a Pig from its slop and put in the pond and expect it to be anything other than a Pig.

Someone important, although they remain anonymous, You can take a girl from the trailer park but you can’t take the trailer park outta the girl. Once trash, always trash, or Pig.

This song isn’t about you. None of them are. But, I wouldn’t want them to be.

Thank you for reading ❤️ Everyone knows a Pig.

DISCLAIMER :

These are colorful blog posts written from a vivid imagination about no particular person in general. Any likeness to a person /persons is merely coincidence as it’s all artful storytelling. Cheap. Therapy.

A Bed of Hollies

Daphne, cranked her petaled head over to Diedra and whispered curiously, “So, I just have to ask, but do you think she’s a witch?”

Big ears from below Daphne called out, “Who!?”

Diedra sighed, “Good heavens Dharma, Daphne was talkin to me, but if you must know, I presume she means her” Diedra said pointing a bright yellow petal towards the woman in the yard watering.

“Well, do you?” Daphne asked again

Deidra rolled her eyes to Daphne, “Darling, of course she is. How else could we possibly be talking right now?”

Daphne winked, “I thought so, I just thought I would see if you all had been inclined to notice.”

Dharma snickered, “Now Daphne, I just can’t sit here in this dastardly heat, wilting as I am, and listen to such nonsense. I just know with all of my pink peteled self, there is no way you would have asked Deidra if you had known the awnser in the first place, And, I have to say, as for myself, I am a little perplexed by the notion you didn’t know.”

Delia looked up warily, “I think it’s the heat Dear. It really does cause momentarily stupidity in some”

Giggling, Deidra flapped a petal as if to brush off the fact that Delia just mentioned Daphne might have grown daft in the blazing sun and went straight into, “Ladies, I just have to ask in my complete boredom this mundane Tuesday, has anyone heard any new gossip they might want to share? .” Diedra asked quizzically

With excitement, Diana awnsered, “I certainly do, and boy do I know it’s just gonna blow your mind. As a matter of fact, you’ll never believe it.”

“Do tell, Darling!” Delilah called from underneath Daphne.

“As it is Ladies, you know that shrub over there at bikini broads, the big one that goes by Hank, just outside that fence….well, either way, I had something itching my mind and I shouldn’t have but I just had to ask if he knew what ever could be going on behind that fence.. And you know what he said?”

Darlene shook her head, while Daphne blurted out “OH lord, what on God’s green earth did he say?”

“He said they put in a pool, but not just any pool, no no..So, let’s just start by saying, it’s about time, especially since that woman has been parading that bikini around for 15 years without even the tiniest blow up pool, but I suppose that husband of hers was slow to get the message, anyway, Hank the Shrub said that pool is one of those nudie pools. That’s why they put that wooden fortress of a wall up. “

“Nudie pool? Whatever could that be?” Daphne asked

Diedra sqweeked, “Oh for Christ sake Daph, surely you aren’t serious right now…. A nudie pool… As in that woman loses her bikini and floats around that pool like a raisen in a bowl of milk!”

Daphne cupped a petal to her mouth “Good heavens, I just can’t imagine how that poor shrub must be getti’n along. It should just be a crime, I mean, if you asked me it is. Can you imagine being forced to watch that horror show through the very cracks in the fence”

Dharma made a gagging noise, “I may be quite ill if I had to picture it, I do believe I shall pass this time sister.”

“I always knew there was something uncouth about that whole fence business, especially when that bikini broad stopped loitering in the side yard so often.” Diana said

“Just to think, we never knew such a thing existed right under our noses” Darlene said with disdain.

“Well… all I can say ladies is I am just so thankful for that tree graveyard for a barricade, otherwise we would surely have succumbed to the rust” Diana said matter of factly.

Diedra snickered at the same time Dharma laughed sarcastically.

“I would say, perhaps being planted on the other side of the house would have been better, but I truly think watching that old man mow his yard every other day would be such a bore. I mean, what is the fun in that .” Daphne said.

“I do believe, you are right” Darlene added. “Now can someone explain what in the name of Christ is that kid doing, is that skate boarding or is he researching the speed in which he will be visiting a medical professional, I swear watching that is like eating a jalapeño with gasoline on a mid August day. “

Diedra smiled, “Oh lord, here we go again.”

Thank you for reading ♥️

Hollies follies

Let’s see, there is, Daphne and Darla, Delia and Diana. Delilah and Diedra, Darlene and Dharma.

All of which are vibrant ladies with the utmost southern charm, although originally they resided along the English countryside.

Delilah would say “Why Darling, its those of us adapting the fastest, that have the most charm.”

“And, I would add, with sugar in my words and the highest integrity, what Miss Delilah says is absolutely true” Dharma quipped

“Yes dearie, it is rather true. And, if I might say, I rather like it here. There is no other place in which a dame could watch the neighbor, a D name I think… shocking, I know but even though peculiar as it is, she is all but 65 years of age wearing that skimpy bikini like an 18 year old in the front yard. ” Daphne boasted.

Diedra wasted no time chiming in, “Mmhm, that’s right”

Darlene waved a pink petal, “Ladies, ladies” she scoffed “Now, I do remember that other fellow down the way, you know the one, he drives that ridiculous barge of a truck.”

Diana squeeled in delight, “OH yes! That’s the neighbor down the street who has confused that barge for one of those toy Tonka trucks or has simply mistaken it for a tractor”

Darla snickers, “I do believe, that, is what we call a right fine Hill Billy, with those mounds of dirt he uses for a parking pad. If you couldn’t have guessed by that accord, then I highly encourage you to notice the life-sized plastic, halloween skele-a-dog perched over his drive. I am guessing he doesn’t realize the gulf is another 500 miles, due South by the looks of the large cut out boasting Salt life next to the bone dog.”

Daphne but in with a mission, “My God, I swear to the baby Jesus that I have wished that dog thing that looks like recycled garbage pails would launch itself silly in a thunderstorm, but you know as the heavens have it, that hideous thing lives on like a Celine Dion song.”

Diana sang out “or, a lambchops song… You remember the one… The song that doesn’t….”

Dharma interrupted her with a vengeance, “Now Diana, you just stop that nonsense right now, no need to punish us all night long “

“I think that’s quite true, let’s not take ourselves down that God forsaken path dear. Now, let’s get back to what we just couldn’t enjoy if we were living among an English country side”

Darlene waved her petals, “Well, I don’t know about you but I just can’t fathom their would be those weird postal clerks who can’t seem to organize themselves in a way to deliver all packages at once, let alone back their vans into trees. I mean, it’s no wonder Frank the post oak wasn’t mowed down by that rotund man with a plumber crack. I just know he has a scar. “

Daphne, “OH, you mean those jungle people, the ones from the Amazon.”

Deidra clicked her tongue, “That’s the one”

Diana smirked, “Do you think they are really from the Amazon or could it possibly be they come from that junk yard down the street, you know the one where Chevy trucks go to die and dogs find themselves chained to their side steps, what ever is that blokes name? “

“I couldn’t tell you his actual name, Mister fat asster is what I think to call him, but I prefer to be a lady and call him junkyard Dan, although, I am quite aware that isn’t his Christian name, but then again who cares.” Diedra said

Daphne laughed, “OH dearie, You said it best! Nevermore were truer words than who cares. Such the dullard that man is sporting around in a jeep like he is a woodsy fellow to then trade it for one of those loud, two wheeled horse things they call hogs.”

“Tacky” Delia said “It’s just tacky. Thank the Good lord he doesn’t live next door, at least all we have to worry about is staring at the back end of that old broads pruned up bottom, aimed to the sky like she has mistaken herself for the Greek goddess of rain”

Dharma shook her petaled head, “Now, I do believe we have spoken our days gospel. I can’t imagine the characters in the countryside being any more colorful than the likes of these bumbling donkeys. My cousin, Donna said all that ever passes her by is a heard of sheep or the occasional family on holiday. “

The Hollies all sighed in unison, shaking their beautiful little heads together.

“Well, I suppose we ladies should retire for this evening, I mean a lady sure needs her beauty sleep. Especially in this dastardly heat.” Daphne said

“Good idea Daphne, I am quite tired and I have had my eye on that Wisteria bush over there.”

The Hollies all giggled together as the last of the sun faded. Fireflies blinked their lights against the deepest shades of night as the moon rose high across the southern sky.

Thank you for reading